No Mud, No Lotus - Thich Nhat Hanh
No Mud, No Lotus - Thich Nhat Hanh


The 3 Steps to Getting Over it and On with it After Divorce

Just like it’s inevitable for the caterpillar to eventually become the butterfly, healing from traumatic transitions like divorce IS a process and WILL take time, but it is inevitable. learned There are important strategies that can support us along the way to stay focused on building an amazing future rather than trying to change the past.

1) Identify and let go of the old thoughts and beliefs that are being brought up during the divorce. Let’s face it...even if the divorce was by choice, and even moreso if it was thrust upon us, there is pain involved in endings. Guilt, anger, fear and self-doubt are all normal emotions. But instead of getting lost in, or totally avoiding the darkness, this time can be used to engage with mindfulness practices to unearth the old core beliefs that are causing the negative emotions, and start to change them.

Some of the most common core beliefs are “I am unworthy of happiness”, “My needs don’t matter”, “I am a bad person” and of course the old favorite “I am unloveable”. Themost important question to ask becomes ”Am I willing to let go of these old beliefs?”. If the answer is yes and the desire and commitment are strong, these old subconscious beliefs from childhood, once acknowledged and brought to the light of awareness, will no longer hold power over the outcome of our lives.

2) Get clear about what it is that is desired in the next phase of life. Once the old negative beliefs have been brought to the light, we can begin to accept and acknowledge that it is a God given right to be truly deserving of a life that is authentic, joyful and connected. What we focus on expands, so instead of focusing on what we DON’T want to happen (our fears about the future), we spend time getting clear and focusing on what we DO want to happen in post-divorce life.

Envision what is possible for the physical realm like body image and health, energy levels, diet, as well as the surrounding in the home and material possessions. What kind of hobbies would be fun to delve into? What kind of job or career would bring a sense of excitement and fulfillment? What kind of relationships will be received into this new phase (with children, friends, new partners, and most importantly, yourself)? What would it be like to be surrounded by a loving community, serving others through purposeful life work?

As we take time each day to reflect on what is desired and use the law of attraction to imagine what it will feel like to be in the new situations and then vibrate from this new feeling, we draw in our new reality. Remember, it is our thoughts and vibration that create our new life, so instead of focusing on what we DON’T want, we focus on what we DO want!

3) Use the new beliefs and vision to be a guide to move forward into the next phase. When we can bring to the light of awareness and let go of old thought and belief patterns that keep us stuck in the pain of the past, as well as take time to truly get clear about what it is that we want and deserve in our new lives, we are able to be guided from a place of clarity to take the next step.

Always act with the end result in mind...if a loving partnership is what is desired, we take the steps to become the best version of ourselves as possible. Take time to read books and blogs about dating after divorce and learn about what a healthy relationship looks like. Develop new family traditions and model to children how to be happy, authentic, honest and strong as a single parent. Get confident in the physical and mental realms by starting a clean eating plan, working out, meditating or maybe even experimenting with a new “look” and get back out in the dating world. Doing at least one action each day will help move us forward into the new vision, even if it feels scary.

Act as if you are fully whole and deserving of an amazing new life, and slowly, but surely the new life based on your new practices of self-awareness and self-love will become a reality as the old version will slowly fade into a distant memory.

Over time, as we focus on and take small steps each day to move toward a life of our own that is authentic, fulfilling and joyful, it becomes easier to feel like we are “over” the pain of loss, and finally moving on with the next phase of our amazing new life.


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