No Mud, No Lotus - Thich Nhat Hanh
No Mud, No Lotus - Thich Nhat Hanh


Don't Start a Relationship til You've Done these 4 Things!

1) Stay single until you can be sure you are entering a relationship for the right reasons.

A truly loving, committed relationship is about sharing life experiences, learning and growing with someone who is self-aware and free of the “pull” of past hurts, and being open and willing to do the work it takes to be in a safe, drama-free space together.

To reach this place, we must first commit to learning the lessons we need to get out of the ending of our last marriage/long term relationship. Dig in the dirt. Let ourselves fall apart and know that it’s okay not to be okay for a while, maybe for a long time. The grieving process can be lengthy and drawn out...there is a lot of good personal growth to receive in the time after a breakup but we’ve got to be willing to receive it.

Until we truly commit to the work of self love that is required after the devastation of heartbreak, it’s not time to consider ourselves a contender for a long-term commitment.

Keep in mind that true healing takes time, and until we get the lessons that we need from the end of the last relationship, it’s simply not the time to start something new.

2) Love yourself more than you ever thought possible

You’ve heard the phrase “No one will ever be able to love you more than you love yourself”’s 100% true, 100% of the time. We attract others who will treat us only as well as we treat ourselves. If we believe ourselves to be unworthy or unlovable at a deep level, no matter how pretty the package of our prospective partner, over time they will only reflect back our own thoughts and beliefs.

Self Love needs to happen consistently on all levels...physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.

Physical~Begin by listening to, then responding to and respecting the needs of the body. Create a nurturing inner sanctuary where you feel safe and held. Learn what your body requires through exercise and diet and rest to maintain balance, and commit to giving it the nutrients that it needs to thrive.

Mental~Kick out the roommate in your head that tells you you’re not good enough, beautiful/handsome enough, young enough, wealthy enough to have a wonderful loving and supportive partnership.

Replace self-deprecating thoughts with thoughts that affirm your wholeness such as “I am awesome and deserve someone who knows my worth”, or“I am completely loveable just the way I am”, and “I am deserving of great love”.

No matter what happened with your ex, you have the power to rewrite the conversations that affirm the truth of who you are.

Emotional~Bring deep self-compassion and kindness to your hurt parts. Understand how you contributed to the relationship ending. Examine the pain that is coming up from your childhood. Get therapy or divorce coaching and outside support to truly heal.

Spiritual~Develop and maintain a deeper connection to your spirit by recognizing and honoring the voice of your intuition and inner knowing and guidance. This can be accomplished through meditation, journaling, or simply spending quiet moments in nature.

This inner guidance will let you know when you are truly “ready” for a relationship, and if someone you meet is right or wrong for you.

Create a life of your dreams by connecting to a vision that reflects your worthiness and lovability. Know your passions and why you are here. Make a commitment to, more than anything else, following those passions.

Committing to self-love and our life’s work before committing to a romantic relationship, is the key to fulfillment and wholeness...when we commit to a life of service to ourselves and others, we have made the vows that must precede a commitment to another person.


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