As a stay at home mom of three young children for almost ten years, I felt like I was living in the movie “Groundhog Day”. Every. Single. Day. I would have described myself as a “Mommy Zombie” who was on autopilot from dawn to dusk.
Here was my routine:
- Wake up, drink coffee. Get everyone up and ready for the day. Make breakfast. Pack Lunch. Get going to school or camp drop off.
- Walk Dog. Clean up house. Work for a few hours at the yoga studio. Go to grocery store. Plan for dinner. Shower (if I was really lucky). Pick up kids from school. Take them to activities then home again..
- Homework. Make dinner. Clean up again. Give kids a bath and put them to bed. Drink a glass of wine (or three) with my husband and mostly talk details of day and what was coming up in the next weeks/months that we needed to plan for.
- Go to bed feeling exhausted, defeated, and empty.
While the kids were relatively stable, happy and healthy, I felt like I had almost completely lost myself in the role of mom and wife, and I felt resentful most days, like a prisoner to my life. When our marriage hit the rocks, I saw it as an opportunity to start over. I thought that if I could change my outer situation, then I could be happy and free.
But what I learned is that until we are happy and free on the inside, no amount of change on the outside is going to make a difference. We could run away to the most beautiful tropical island with the most wonderful young, adoring lover (which by the way, I tried), but our inner struggles eventually catch up with us, and our paradise will once again turn into a prison.
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